Life is hard. This may not sound like much of a revelation, but for me it actually was. I was blessed with an incredibly happy childhood, and loved academics so much that I probably could have stayed in college forever. I come from a healthy, supportive family. I haven’t even attended the funeral of a grandparent… all four of mine are still alive. The most traumatic part of growing up was…. umm, well, oh… yeah, my brother made fun of me in front of a guy I had a crush on in high school.
Right.
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| Such a difficult childhood. |
I even liked the job I had in high school, at a trendy coffee shop in Portland, Maine where I got to hang out with college students and come home smelling like Ghiradelli hot chocolate powder.
My life was awesome.
Consequently, I didn’t have a lot of stress management techniques up my sleeve when I became an adult and the real world started to settle in. I don’t have to tell you life is hard, you probably know life is hard. We all have too much stress in our lives, from the little, everyday things like traffic and household clutter to the big things, like a family member who is sick or we’re worried about.
I used to focus endlessly on “if I can just make it to X date on the calendar, things will be better…” Now, I’m starting to realize that things will always be crazy. Sometimes they’ll be more crazy than others, but the point is, you have to live in the day and week you’re in, and that means you have to learn how to calm down and take care of yourself in a way that’s healthy.
I learned this the hard way when I was pregnant with my first. Previously, I had looked forward to a glass of wine here or there to relax in the evenings with my husband, de-stress, talk about our day. It was well within healthy limits, and finding new wines was one of our favorite interests we shared.
Obviously I couldn’t drink while I was pregnant with Will, so I switched to ice cream. If it’d been an occasional treat, my new Ben and Jerry’s habit would have been fine. But it wasn’t. It became something I needed every single night to relax and de-stress in the evenings. It was a tough time for me. We were building a new house that wasn’t ready on time, and ended up putting all our stuff into storage, delaying our baby furniture deliveries over and over again, and living out of hotels and our parents’ houses… two states away from where Greg was working. We finally moved into our new home when I was 39 weeks pregnant, less than ten days before Will was born, and three months after it was supposed to be ready.
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| Two days after we moved in to our new house… pregnant, off the ice cream, but still stressed as anything. |
The ice cream may have temporarily calmed my frazzled nerves in the evening, but it came at a cost. I failed my first glucose screening test for gestational diabetes, and had to go back in for a 3 hour test. I passed. Barely.
Guess where I was when I found out I had failed the first test and needed to go back in for screening? Out with a friend. For ice cream. I put the ice cream down.
When I was pregnant with Andrew, I didn’t want to make that same mistake. I ate what Will was eating, and I didn’t feed him unhealthy foods. In the evenings, I switched my relaxation technique to decaf Earl Grey. Unsweetened.
My glucose test while pregnant with Andrew was also off the charts… on the low side. It was the first time I remember seeing real, numeric evidence that what I put in my body and what habits I have directly impact my health. (And if you’re pregnant, the health of your child. I wish I could take those ice creams back.)
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| This was me, less than 48 hours before Andrew was born. I had a healthier weight gain during my second pregnancy – lots of stroller walks with Will, very little ice cream. |
I still love ice cream… I just eat it very occasionally. (Usually out with the kids as a special treat, snapping photos because it’s special!) When I think back to those evening ice creams, I realize that an important part of the stress relief was a sense of ritual.
This is what I do to calm down, this will work. I will pick a flavor, I will get a cute little cup, I will hear the gentle tinking of the spoon in the bowl, feel the ice cream melt in my mouth.
It was as though how I relieved stress was part of my identity, and that what I wanted more than the ice cream was the sense of security having a go-to stress reliever provided. I wanted ice cream because I associated it with feeling calmer, because the first few times I substituted it for my glass of wine, it worked. I built an association, and created my craving.
Running is now one of my favorite forms of stress relief – but it’s not enough. I can’t always get out for a run. Sometimes, it’s a day off on my running schedule. Sometimes it’s pouring and I don’t want to put the kids in the jogging stroller. It’s the best, and I love looking forward to it, but we all need to have multiple ways to relieve stress that are healthy.
Some of my favorites?
A cup of unsweetened, decaf tea.
A repetitive task that allows me to feel like I’m making progress on something, but doesn’t require too much thought or multitasking, like knitting or crafting.
Reading about running.
Writing in my journal, so I can work through my thoughts without any consequences.
Writing for my blog, so I can feel purposeful and creative.
Organizing a tiny, manageable section of my house, and savoring the feeling of productivity and sense of order and calm.
I do still enjoy having a glass of wine… but recently, I realized that I don’t want it to be a form of stress relief. I like to have wine when I’m already in a good mood, and I would like to relax, but I don’t NEED to relax. There’s a difference. If you need wine, or ice cream, or anything that is only good for you in moderation in order to relax, then at some point, you’re going to be in big trouble.
Because life is hard, people. Having an unhealthy form of stress relief only makes it harder.
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I was thinking about how you had to re-think your strategy during the race and it occurred to me that maybe I should re-think mine. on my C25k 8 week program I am on week 7 again. it calls for three twelve minute runs with 3 minute walks. Week 6 was 2 twelve minute runs. I did week 6 pretty well. But for the second time week 7 is killing me and what’s funny is I can’t complete my second 12 minute run, knowing I just did it the week before! Anyway, I’ve decided to do what you did and change up week 7 instead of going back to week 6 again. I’m looking at keeping the total running time the same, ie 36 minutes but extend my first run, shorten the middle run and extend the last run. Keep walking breaks the same. I’m determined to try this today.
I think another hang up for me is finding the time to run. I’m having to pack my running clothes in the hopes of getting a run in somewhere. I find this very distracting. Anyone else have any thoughts?? Sorry so long.
I think once you get to week 7, just continuing to run and work at it is great. It’s tough because in the early weeks, you see improvement very quickly. At the end of the program, a tough day vs. a great day can make the difference on whether you complete the workout as scheduled. But even completing 70% of the workout is increasing your aerobic capacity and strengthening your legs and moving you forwards. It’s easy to feel like you’re taking a step backwards in your running abilities when you don’t complete a workout that you’ve done before, but I’ve found that that isn’t true. We all have tough days, and whatever we complete is making us better and stronger so that we can have another unexpectedly awesome workout soon.
So… keep at it, great job changing up your strategy, and every step is moving you closer to your goal of running those miles!
Update: It worked!! I was able to complete my run as planned. I was also on a treadmill :/ Not sure how that translates to sidewalk. . . but I did it and I feel great about it! Unfortunately I’ve also figured running on my lunch hour probably isn’t going to work since it takes so long. I was not fully prepared and now I look awful for the rest of the day!!
That’s great Dana! I hear that the treadmill allows you to run slightly faster than road/sidewalk running because of the way it moves under your feet… but honestly, I’ve never worried about that. If you find that your effort is less than normal, you can speed it up a little to compensate. I generally find it close enough for me!
My husband sometimes runs on his lunch break and has the same challenge of not having enough time, and he’s lucky enough to have showers at his work! He often will get up early to run instead, and he and I sometimes have to bargain for the morning running time!
Really hits home…good post!
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. We all have our weak points, and keeping them occasional instead of regular gives us the balance we need to live a better life, right?!
Great post!!
Thanks Jensie! I’m sure you appreciate stress relief since you also have toddlers at home! Hope you’re having a good spring in Aus!