Ok, so I don’t think I have a PROBLEM, per se, it’s just that… I’ve noticed something with the recent cross training I’ve been doing.
I’m working out more days a week, and it’s like I’m a happier, better, more productive version of myself. The house is staying cleaner. I’m making more elaborate, healthy, fresh meals for the family and enjoying the process. I’m getting out of bed in time to make Greg a smoothie before work on occasion. I MADE PICKLES.
Cross training lets me work out 5 times a week instead of 3, because rowing or spin class works a different muscle group (and is low impact) and doesn’t get in the way of me completing my quality running workouts for the week.
When I finish a cardio workout, I BELIEVE in the runner’s high. I feel happy, energized, calm… and slightly euphoric. I even feel a little detached from reality. (There’s a chance that I walk around smiling for no reason, more difficult to upset than usual, looking like I’ve eaten the wrong batch of brownies and teach yoga for a living.)
All these things are great… but what about the reverse?
Sometimes I wonder if I’m so hooked on the exercise endorphins that I’ve created a need for myself. I NEED to go for a run, or a spin class, or a long kayak paddle, to keep from becoming depressed or overwhelmed in my role as a stay at home mom to two preschoolers. If I miss too many workouts, I become a lesser version of myself. I’m more tired. Clutter seems like an insurmountable obstacle in my house. Will can make me cry from frustration in under five minutes.
I guess this is nothing surprising, or new. Exercise has always been the healthiest form of stress relief. Raising a two year old and three year old is stressful. It’s constant. Some days every meal, every nap, every MOMENT seems to require supernatural patience with a touch of martyrdom. For an introvert, it can be extremely difficult. (Extroverts, it’s clearly easy for you at all times.) Is it any surprise that when I don’t even get a break to exercise, that I start feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and irritable? Not really.
I just wish that the exercise version of me was ALWAYS how I felt, even if things were too busy for me to get a run in, or I didn’t have the child care coverage to make it to spin class.
Part of me thinks it’s a REAL me vs. FAKE me issue… which me is the real me?
I’m going to go with the exercise me. That’s me the way I want to be, and I’m willing to sweat those miles, spin that cadence, and row those strokes in order to get there. Not just because I need a break, or want that time alone, but because it’s healthy and important and it makes me a better parent, wife, and person.
That’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s science.
I’m not addicted to running any more than I could be addicted to water… it’s just something I need to be healthy. Physically AND emotionally.
Pickle, anyone?
