I’m doing a yoga book club right now and we’re reading The Joy Diet by Martha Beck (which I highly recommend). Yesterday we talked about false dichotomies.
A false dichotomy is a choice between two things when in reality, you may not need to choose, or there may be additional alternatives. Sometimes we get stuck in our thinking and force ourselves to choose between two things that we want, when if we thought more creatively we might find ways to do both.
In order to problem solve, though, we first need to admit to ourselves the possibility that we don’t have to choose.
False Dichotomy: I can either train for this triathlon that I’m so excited about, or I can have a clean house and be a great mother to my kids.
Step one: swap out the “or”. To get to a problem solving state and acknowledge the false dichotomy, I can switch the language around.
Revised Sentence: I will train for this triathlon that I’m so excited about, and have a clean house and be a great mother to my kids.
Once I’ve shifted the language to reflect my desire to do both and acknowledge it as a possibility, I’m ready to brainstorm creative solutions to the problem. Martha Beck suggests in chapter 4 of the Joy Diet that I come up with at least 20, no matter how crazy, even if they’re immoral or illegal. Rather than risk being quoted out of context saying I plan to hire a personal chef and get an au pair, I’ll give some of my more reasonable examples below.
Ideas for achieving both triathlon training AND a clean house and happy kids:
Bring out the jogging stroller again and take the kids to the playground in it
Put half the toys in the attic so it’s easier for the kids to clean up after themselves
Order take-out
Meal plan and use grocery delivery more often to save time
Hire a babysitter more often
Hire a babysitter who will organize toys
Stop checking social media on my phone 48 times a day to avoid unpleasant and tedious chores like dishes / laundry
Bring the kids to the track with a soccer ball and let them play while I do track repeats
Meet a friend at the pool who has kids that are friends with my kids so they look forward to using the gym’s play-space together
Get up an hour earlier and train then
Summer camp
Get the kids outside more so they’re not messing up indoors
Spend a week re-focusing on having the kids clean up one toy before they get out another one
Go to the pool after the kids are in bed one night a week
Create a bin of special toys that the kids can only use when I’m on the treadmill / stationary bike
Reading through all these ideas, I see some themes that will really help me achieve both of my desires. Planning meals and opportunities to train, reducing the number of toys and craft supplies the kids have access to so they could realistically clean up after themselves, getting more outdoor time for the kids (which keeps the house neater), and finding times to work out that aren’t always coming from the time I would be spending with my kids.
I love hanging out with my kids in the backyard, or cooking with them. I don’t love spending two hours every afternoon wandering around the house picking up marbles and stuffed animals and craft supplies.
These are things I can work on.
While training for a sprint triathlon is time consuming, it’s also doable. My workouts are usually less than an hour each day. That’s like having a lunch break. One hour a day shouldn’t suddenly mean that I can’t spend enough time with my children or keep my house clean.
So maybe the triathlon isn’t the real problem here, or the biggest one, or the best thing to change if I’m going to solve the problem that every day at 5 p.m. I’m not sure what’s for dinner and my living room looks like a craft store got hit by a cyclone. That isn’t because I went to the pool from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m.
Acknowledging the false dichotomy makes me more honest about the other 11 hours I spend not training, and figuring out how to make those hours solve the problem rather than thinking I need to give up what I really love in order to have the lifestyle I really want.