Hope and Failure – Duel Motivators

 

failure

 

I remember walking into the Runner’s World Heartbreak Half Expo and seeing race gear for sale with the race name emblazoned all over it.  How sad, I thought, that these are all for sale BEFORE I know whether this race day will be a happy memory worth having emblazoned across my newest running tank?

I bought nothing.  (Luckily for me, Runner’s World runs a great event and their race package t-shirt was a technical dry women’s small, not cotton or unisex, and therefore actually something I can wear.)

When I looked at all the gear for sale, I thought I would want to remember the race if it was a great one.  I figured if I had an exceptional running day, had magically improved by virtue of it being my third half marathon (despite my lackluster training for this one), that then I would be excited to remember it and wish I had a hat or a t-shirt or something with that race name on it that would remind me of how it felt running those 13.1 miles in the zone, confident in my own awesomeness.

What happened was a different story altogether.

I under prepared, started out too fast, and basically made every rookie mistake you can make.  I had an amazing first 6 miles, and then crashed.  THAT’S NOT EVEN HALFWAY.  I walked/jogged/walked the remaining SEVEN MILES.  With no music.  That’s a long time to think about how much it stinks that you’re walking right now.

The only thing that would have made me feel more like a failure would have been quitting when I saw my in-laws at mile 9 and riding home in disgrace squished in the back between the kids car seats.

I was traversing those 13.1 miles, getting my medal, and going home.  (damnit.)

Now I’m glad I failed.  It was a wake-up call, a needed reminder that 13.1 miles is NOT a gimme.  Just because I’d done it twice, didn’t mean I could do it again without adequate preparation.  You have to work to maintain your level of fitness, not just to improve it.

Sometimes when I’m training I picture myself walking, exhausted, frustrated during that race.  It drives me forward, to finish the interval, to log the last mile in a tempo run, to squeeze in a few miles on the treadmill rather than missing a workout completely.

It makes me grin maniacally and pedal faster in the middle of a spin workout, relishing the feel and view of the sweat snaking its way down my arm. Not again, not again, not again… I will not fail like that again.

Every second, every moment that I’m working hard, breathing hard, pushing through, those are to prevent the last 7 miles of the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon from happening to me in October.  Seeing that race medal or wearing that t-shirt doesn’t make me feel proud, but it does make me work harder.

On the opposite side is hope.  Hope is something I’m familiar with, it’s been a friend of mine since I very first started running with the Couch to 5k program in July of 2012.

In that vision, I’m not walking up heartbreak hill in the heat, demoralized and apathetic about the time on the clock because I’ve spent miles walk/jogging my way forward in resignation.

Instead, I’m at the Maine Half Marathon in October.  It’s cool out.  It’s a medium sized race, so the course feels open but not anticlimactic.  I know I’m running hard, but it doesn’t FEEL hard, it feels steady.  I’m in the zone.  I’m breathing, I’m moving, I’m flying.  The leaves have changed color.  Every breath of air is crisp, refreshing.  The sky is blue.  I don’t need to stop.  I don’t WANT to stop.  I could run like this forever.  My family is waiting at the finish, it’s the first half marathon I’ve run in my home state.  They’ve invested time in watching my children so I could run, they’ve encouraged me, they’ve even read my running blog.  I won’t let them down.  Those hours they helped, they counted… I built on them, I used them, they were a springboard to this moment.  This bliss, this in-the-zone running bliss, where I’m going and I don’t need to stop and life is amazing and I AM AMAZING.

One interval at a time.  One long run at a time.  I will do whatever it takes to get to that moment.

Perhaps hope is the biggest motivator after all.

My first spin class! Should you try one?

I went to my first spin class this morning, and I loved it.

The room was dark, with mirrors in the front which helped me adjust my form on the bike, but didn’t show a lot of detail.  There was a mo-town theme for the ride and they had two video monitors playing performances from the Ed Sullivan show, with the instructor calling instructions out over the music using a headset with a microphone.  It was everything I enjoy about a night club… getting my heart racing, moving in time with great music, sweating, getting into the zone, and nothing I don’t.  (No one can grab your ass when you’re in a spin class, even if there is a guy behind you.)

It was a 50 minute class, which was great because it gave me time to really get the hang of doing the stand up pedaling, which was hard for me at first.  My quads would immediately start BURNING, and I realized I wasn’t leaning forward quite enough, and I was trying too to avoid brushing the seat behind me, as though I was afraid I was going to land on it.  By watching the instructor’s form and the women in front of me, I managed to get much better at it.

One of my favorite things about spinning vs. running is that with running you can up your intensity by running faster or running hills.  In spin class, you can up your intensity either by speeding up your pedaling (cadence) or upping the resistance of the bike – both IMMEDIATE fixes.  You can’t immediately change the elevation of wherever you’re running, and when you run as slowly as I do, it’s kind of hard to slow down.

The control the resistance knob on the bike gave me meant that I could follow along with the beat of the music and match my cadence to the instructors even though I’m a complete beginner at cycling, just by keeping my resistance level low so I didn’t over do it.  I never had to worry that I wouldn’t finish the whole class, or would have to sit and slow pedal while my heart rate plummeted.  By keeping the resistance light, I enjoyed the entire class, got to spin right with beat of the music, and got a great workout that completely matched my ability level.

With spin class, it’s a time goal of 50 minutes and then you’re done.  This is better than slowing down on a run when you have a mileage goal and then taking longer.  If you push too hard in the beginning, you can slow down, modify the standing position to a sitting one, or reduce the intensity.  It’s really easy to make sure you’re pushing hard, but not TOO hard.

I think I was able to push harder because I didn’t have any fear that I’d get halfway through my run, have pushed too hard, and end up walking home.  I could spin as hard and fast as I wanted (trying not to make my muscles burn while my body gets used to this, of course) and know that I could tone it down whenever I needed to.

Spinning would therefore be a great exercise activity for people of different fitness levels to complete together.  (Not that you could talk, but it’d still be fun to meet a friend there!)

It was great – and my legs feel fantastic.  My shoulders are a little stiff, so I might need to work on relaxing them, or they might just need to get used to biking position.

The funniest part of spinning is the cycling shorts I bought – it’d been recommended that I get a pair to avoid saddle soreness.  I’ll invest $40 in a pair of shorts if it’ll keep me from getting sore and completely unmotivated to return to class – I really want this to work as a viable form of cross training!

What makes cycling shorts cycling shorts?  Padding.  Bicycle seat shaped padding.  In the crotch.  THICK padding.  (They advertise it as thin.  This is in relation to other cycling shorts, or perhaps my son’s cloth diaper when I double stuff it, not in relation to any clothing normal people have worn EVER.)  I felt ridiculous, like I was wearing a diaper… but only while standing.  Once I was in spin class I didn’t even notice it, and I was grateful I’d purchased a pair.  I just don’t know if I’m up for running to spin class in them…. yet.

Who should try a cycling class?  Anyone looking for a low impact, aerobic activity that can be geared to their own fitness level, takes place inside away from the elements, and has music and an instructor for motivation and accountability!  It’s not as peaceful or beautiful as a quiet long run solo, but it’s a really fun change to add into the mix, and I think it could help anyone reduce their risk of overuse injuries by cross-training.  It’s not as inexpensive as running, but if you can buy packages of classes and just go once a week or even a couple times a month to mix it up, it’s not bad!

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WHAT?! Hello padding. You are SO not my running shorts.

 

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You can hardly tell I have giant padding sewn into the butt of my shorts. Right? (Whatever.)

Things I Think During Challenging Intervals

It’s just two minutes and eight seconds, you can do this

This interval is longer BUT it’s slower, the book says you can do this

#@$& Greg programed the watch wrong it’s not beeping to tell me the end of this interval, it should be beeping.  I need to learn to program my Garmin myself.  I’m pressing stop.  This can’t be right.  Oh there it goes.  Sorry Greg.  You can’t hear me.

You’re going too slow you’re going too slow you’re going too slow… you don’t have much time to make it up, you’ve got to hit that number, do you WANT to stay the same pace for another year?  How badly do you want to get faster?  YOU WANT THIS.

This is where the improvement happens

This is it

Don’t think just go go go it’s going to beep don’t look at it you don’t need to look at it you are hitting the number just don’t think just keep MOVING EXACTLY LIKE THIS UNTIL IT BEEPS DON’T TELL ME YOU CAN’T BREATHE I CAN FREAKING HEAR YOU BREATHING

Greg’s going to ask you how this went later

THIS IS WHERE THE IMPROVEMENT HAPPENS

Shoot, there goes my hat.

Repost: Eliminating Walking Breaks from Your Runs

This post recently started getting hits again after someone pinned it on their pinterest running board, so I pulled it up to see what I was writing about walking breaks LAST June.  I thought it was worth re-posting.  I still struggle with not taking breaks when I run.  I don’t take walking breaks anymore, but I’ll stop to take a picture, drink some water, look at the scenery, and then keep going.  Not such a big deal once in a while, but when I do it every mile I have to add on 10-15 minutes for my long runs!  That adds up, and really messes with realistic expectations for races, when they don’t stop the clock so I can sip some water and snap a photo.

Maybe I should take some of my own advice 🙂

———————–

One of my readers recently asked for tips on eliminating walking breaks from runs.  (Thanks Ivayla!)  Her question couldn’t have been better timed, because this is something I’ve been struggling with, and therefore thinking a lot about, especially on my longer runs.

Here are my thoughts!  If you have your own strategies, I’d love to hear them!

Identifying the problem(s)

My walking breaks are always caused by one of three problems: motivation, ability, or confidence.

Motivation:

Sometimes it’s really hard to keep pushing yourself to run.  I know I take walking breaks when I don’t really need to, especially when I’m running by myself.  I know I’m still going to get the miles in, I know I’m still working hard and getting the energy boost, why not take a little break before I keep going?  It’s easy to feel a lack of motivation when you’re in the moment, especially when you’re tired, you’re only a mile in, and you’re kind of dreading running the rest of your miles without at least one, teensy little walking break (which ends up being longer than you think).

Here are some things that help me keep going when I’m feeling unmotivated during a run:

Remembering the times I’ve felt disappointed after a run because I took too many walking breaks and felt like I cheated

Remembering runs where I ran the whole time and how good I felt afterwards

Pretending my kids are watching

Preventative strategies:

Going running with a buddy or a group: a lot of athletic gear stores have free running clubs where you can show up, run your own pace, and often find someone new to chat with while you go for a jog.  I found a running group through my local mother’s forum and when I manage to go, I always run faster and longer while simultaneously having more fun.  The accountability is great.

Sign up for a 5k or 10k (whatever distance you’re pushing to run for) and let the spectators and other runners motivate you to keep going.  Push for continuous running, not speed.

Keep a log of how many walking breaks you take during your runs and work towards reducing it.  Knowing that you’re going to write it down when you get home may help you feel the drive to push through your desire to walk, and give you something to feel proud of when you look back at your progress.

Ability:

Running too fast? Interval programs where you push your speed always have a recovery period where you rest completely, walk, or jog slowly for a reason.  If you’re taking a lot of walking breaks, you might be running faster than you’re ready for.  Try slowing down so you can finish your run without needing to walk.  You can always make one run a week an interval run where your goal is to run fast, take a walking break, and then run fast again.  The often repeated advice for pacing yourself is to make sure you can hum a tune or say a full sentence.  If you can talk a blue streak, you can speed up if you’d like.  If you can only say a few words or you can’t speak at all, you should slow down.  Listening to a pod-cast instead of rock and roll might help you settle into a slower pace.

Just starting?  Especially when you’ve just started running, you may not be physically ready to run your entire session without taking a walking break.  That’s why the Couch to 5k program is a walk/run program.  It focuses on helping you gradually reach the point where you can run 3.1 miles without stopping to walk.  Even if you’re a C25k graduate, if you’re taking walking breaks during a 3 mile run or shorter, you could always consider hopping into the program at the point where you’re capable of completing the workouts, and following it through to the end to reach a 3 mile run without stopping.

Too lofty a goal? I’ve read in multiple places that you shouldn’t increase your mileage more than ten percent each week, and you shouldn’t do that every week without some time to recover.  I’ve tried to be realistic about how long I should be able to run without breaks based on my previous running.

Confidence:

If your ability is there, and your motivation is there, it may be that your head is playing games with you and that’s why you’re doing more walking than you need to.

I struggle a lot with running confidence, especially while I’m training for this half marathon and adding a mile to my long run every other week.  When I’m facing the longest run I’ve ever done, it’s hard not to be really afraid that I’m going to cramp up, lose steam, or not be able to finish.  Therefore, I’m always tempted to take a lot of walking breaks.  Every time my Garmin beeps that I’ve done another mile, I want to use it as an excuse to stop and walk for a minute or so before I keep going.  ESPECIALLY when I have 6 or 7 miles left!  I’m afraid that if I don’t, I won’t finish.

One thing that helps is living in the moment, not thinking about the whole run.  Don’t ask yourself if you can run x more miles without a walking break, ask yourself if you can keep running for thirty more seconds.  Repeat.

I’m going to start keeping track of my walking breaks and how far I can run without taking a walking break.  Every time I accomplish a distance with no breaks, I’ll record it, and then when I want to take a break I’ll remember that I really don’t need to stop and walk.  I’d feel more accomplished if I even just slowed down for a few minutes to a slower jog, rather than walking.  (Especially because once you’ve taken one walking break during a run, it’s hard to convince yourself not to take more!)

Running with a more experienced runner can help, too.  They can give you the encouragement and accountability you need to keep going when you want to stop.  They can remind you that if you can answer their question of how you’re doing, then you’re o.k. to keep going.  I pushed through part of the Couch to 5k program only after having Greg run with me pushing the double jogging stroller.  Knowing he was behind me with both kids and would be proud of me for not stopping was enough to give me the strength to go for it.

One More Thought: Walking breaks aren’t all bad.  Sometimes a short recovery period can help you run a little harder, a little further, or just feel better on your runs.  They become a problem when they’re causing you to feel less accomplished after your runs, adding too much time to your workout, or sapping your enjoyment on a run because you’re constantly battling a little voice in your head that’s telling you to stop and walk since you’re in the habit of taking breaks.  When it’s interfering with your running enjoyment, it’s time to figure out what’s causing it so you can get back to enjoying your runs 🙂

Good luck!

My First Barre Class

What?  Exercise that’s not running?  Huh?

I know.  It’s shocking… but I managed to survive an entire 60 minutes of non-running exercise.

Although it didn’t make my list of New Year’s Resolutions, one of my goals for 2014 is to improve my overall fitness.  My cardiovascular health is great, but my strength and flexibility have a lot of room for improvement.  Working on them will benefit my running and reduce my risk of injury.

So I bought a 12 class pass to a local fitness studio, and went to my first BarSculpt class.  The class was an intense, hour long workout that isolates different muscle groups with stretching in between.  It was the perfect combination of strength and flexibility work to complement my running.

I was horrible at it.  There were exercises where I had to stop at 6 reps out of 10 because my form was getting so sloppy I couldn’t finish.  I thought I would at least hold my own in the legwork, but evidently it’s possible to run half marathons and not have developed all the same leg muscles you need to kick butt in a barre class.

Why this is cool: Rather than being disheartened, I’m thrilled!  The class was so challenging, even doing the modifications, that I’ve realized I just found a huge area where I can improve.  I’ve been so narrow-minded in my fitness approach by only running that I’ve really neglected strength and flexibility.  I can’t wait to see where I am in a few months… I would like to be able to do this well.

I credit my positive attitude in spite of my poor performance in class to running.  I went from being nervous about running for 90 seconds without stopping to running two half marathons this fall.  I have experienced improvement and success as the result of hard work, and I no longer feel embarrassed when I’m bad at something I’m new at.  I know I can get better… a LOT better, as long as I’m patient and work at it.  If it weren’t for running, I might have gone to a few classes, decided it was too hard, and quit.  Now I see the difficulty level as proof that the class is going to work for me and make me a lot stronger.  Thank you, running.

The studio is right near where I drop Will off for preschool, and going there right after drop-off gives me fifteen minutes prior to class to socialize.  Here’s a tip for getting to know people in a class: immediately after you leave class, write a note in your phone with the name of who you talked to, a brief description, and a couple things you talked about.  This might sound crazy, but our memories aren’t always working full speed when we’re working out.  It only takes a few hours to forget the name of the person you met… especially when you won’t see them until class next week, best case.  Before your next class, review your notes, and you’ll be able to say “Oh hi, you’re so and so, right?  I’m Kelly, it was nice talking with you last week… was the grocery store as packed as you thought it would be?”  Needing to write it down doesn’t mean your new friends aren’t important enough to remember, it means connecting with them is so important that you’re going to be sure you DO remember.

I struck up a conversation after class with someone, and found out they were also a runner and thought barre classes were absolutely great for runners.  Awesome!

I even had time after class to grab a soy latte before picking Will up from school.

Life is good 🙂

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