Last week I got up at 5 a.m. and went for an 8 mile run, during which I felt the urge to look more like a runner every time I saw other people on the road.
Yeah.
At this time last year, 8 miles was further than I’d ever run before. At this time two years ago, I hadn’t even started the Couch to 5k Program, and I’d never even run a mile without stopping.
So I’ve made some progress. You would think, as I pranced along at my happy jogging pace of 10:33 minutes per mile, that I would feel pretty legitimate given where I’ve come from, and how recently.
And yet… as I ran down the beautiful, scenic road, the one with all the cyclists I’m so in love with, I couldn’t help but tense slightly when I heard the whirring noise of a cyclist, or saw another runner from a distance.
“QUICK!” I thought, “LOOK LIKE A RUNNER!”
Wait… I AM running. How do I look more like a runner when I’m already running?
Why is my first thought “look like a runner”?
Can they tell from their bikes, whooshing by, or as they run by me from the other direction, that I’m jogging at this steady, but slow, pace?
Do I care that I’m running at this pace? No, I don’t care, I publish it all over twitter and my blog, I’m THRILLED to be out here running at this pace.
Why do I have this urge to scream at them that I’m 4 miles away from my house? They’re not judging me!
It’s 5:40 in the morning and I’m outside exercising… shouldn’t that be enough for me to feel adequate to share road space with these athletes, who are not even judging me?
Two years of running and three completed half marathons, and I feel like a fraud when I see other people on the road when I’m out for an 8 mile run at ass-o-clock in the morning.
That’s either really sad, or really funny… I’m going with the latter.
Sometimes when you work hard at something you love, you improve enough so that you start to enter the circle of people who love doing that thing, and are really good at it. Suddenly, I’m out before 6 a.m. and I’m the little fish in the big pond, and it can be intimidating.
When I line up at a half marathon, I know that most of those people will finish before me, and I can forget that a year ago I was worried I would never even BE one of those people at the start.
I may never shake that “QUICK! LOOK LIKE A RUNNER!” feeling I have when I encounter someone while I’m out for a run. Maybe that’s ok… because it reminds me how far I’ve come.
QUICK! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING!
Ok.
I can do that.
This is perfect! How many times I have thought these very things =) So nice to know I am not the only one!
We are so not alone!
Loved this post! I feel the same way when I’m out there. I have a very similar experience running. Started out just doing 5ks for the fun of it with a friend. Couldn’t run them without stopping and walking. Then I did a group training for a half marathon and loved it. I don’t feel like a legit runner because I am not a fast runner. But heck, I am running when everyone else is at home watching tv, sleeping, etc. By the way, your time is much better than mine! Thanks for this post!
Thanks Jennie! It’s definitely worth remembering to compare ourselves to our non running selves and not just to other runners!
I know this feeling! Mine comes more in the terms of “Quick! Look like you’re not dying!”, but I think it’s the same idea.
I also get paranoid when I’m walking to warm up and/or cool down that someone will see me walking with my fuel belt and question what the heck I’m doing. Then I want to yell “I’m going to run 5 miles!” or “I just ran 10 miles! I need these water bottles!” Really, I’m sure no one is even looking!
This cracks me up because I actually sometimes wish I DID look like I was dying, because it’d show I was working hard. I’m the obnoxiously happy runner in so many cases because I have trouble pushing myself. It’s so true that no one is really looking! Plus, whenever I see a runner walking I always assume they’re doing intervals or coming back from a long run. So there it is.