I’ve been reading a little lately on mindfulness, a concept that meant almost nothing to me a year ago. I even attended an amazing mindfulness workshop given by Cory Halaby, a local yoga instructor and life coach.
What is mindfulness? To me, it means being present in the moment, and really experiencing what is happening around you. Not thinking about the past or the future, just being truly aware in the moment. We spend so much of our time thinking and planning. What’s for dinner? Did I respond to that e-mail too soon? I should have seen what everyone else said first. Is it going to rain this weekend? We should go to the farmer’s market.
While I’m thinking about the weekend weather, my e-mail and dinner, I’m missing the sunshine glinting off my son’s hair, and the way the house smells after I’ve just made coffee. Will, throwing his head back in laughter because he and Andrew are pretending to be oatmeal monsters and making faces at each other.
If I’m not careful, the thoughts in my head that keep me from being present will be how “it all goes by too fast”.
Sometimes, at least once a day, I try to pause and think about how much my future self will wish she could visit this moment. If my 40 year old, 50 year old, 60, 70, 80 year old self could be with me now, what would she say? Who would she hug? Would she be thinking about something else, or trying to capture every precious detail of the moment?
I think she’d say PAY ATTENTION! Do you know how lucky you are, to be holding your three and four year old boys on your lap as you read to them before bed?! Feel the weight of their heads as they lean against your arms. Notice how cute their little feet are sticking out of their pajama bottoms, side by side. Watch their eyes, look right into them, when you tell them you have time for one more story.
I watched some videos of the kids recently from when they were younger. Every time they ended I felt a sense of loss. I wanted to stay in that world, see more of them at that age, pick up my 6 month old and bounce him in my arms… except he’s 3 now. I wish I could tell that mother to let the camera roll just a bit longer.
I don’t know what my future brings. I try not to think sad or morbid thoughts, but I do know that even the happiest of futures will age us all. My children, as exhausting as they are, will only be young once. That once is now, and I am here now. This is my chance to live it.
How I would focus, experience, and cherish this moment if I were a visitor from my own future?
Over the course of my life I will lose many of the people in my life who I love. Someday I will be too old to run. My children will grow older. I will cease to be the center of their universe. The cat curled up next to me won’t be here forever.
I am at a beautiful point in my life. I have two wonderful children who are active and healthy, and I’m lucky enough to be home with them. I have the most amazing husband in the world, and he’s healthy, too. All four of my grandparents are still alive. All four of my children’s grandparents are still alive.
I will be wishing to be here, now, at points in my future. I will wish for two things. One, that I’d made more time for the precious, beautiful moments in life, and two, that I’d stopped thinking about everything else and paid attention when those moments were happening.
Yes, I have to make dinner. Yes, I have to fold the laundry. But I don’t need to think about those things while I’m playing with my children.
My intro to mindfulness has given me a great gift, by reminding me how lucky I am to be at this point in my life, and to live it.
You’re here, now. Live it.
You are wise beyond your years. This is good advice for all of us, no matter where we are in life.